No Guilt

Being a mother is fraught with guilt. And sometimes we do things we know we shouldn’t, under pressure or when things just get too much. And sometimes we feel bad about doing those things, and worse because we don’t believe any other mother would do such a thing to her child.

So here are some of the things I’ve done to/with Elspeth:

  • Screamed “Shut up!” at her
  • Left her alone in her room crying for long periods of time
  • Punched a wall in anger, right in front of her
  • Dropped her on her head (yes, accidentally)
  • Sat by her cot sobbing my eyes out, asking her why she wouldn’t sleep

Bear in mind that none of those things are exactly regular; they are all isolated incidents which happened when I was tired or stressed or had just plain had enough. But they happened.

I hope that reading this will make some other stressed-out mother feel a little better about her own actions.

I also want to remind mothers that, if you love your child and do the best you can for it, you’re not a bad mother. Bad mothers are the ones who leave their child in a dirty nappy for days, who save money on formula by feeding their infants Coke, who spend their baby bonus on heroin. Yes, they’re out there. Does knowing that make you feel better? I hope so.


4 thoughts on “No Guilt

  1. zomelie says:

    I really hate to admit it, but I have been guilty of the same. Though, in my case, it was not so much punching a wall as throwing something at it.

  2. Cazzie says:

    The fact that there is guilt post those happenings (which are normal~and which are independent and sparse) shows that the parent cares and loves their child/ren. When my four were little, four kids under 5yrs old, I often walked through their rooms as they slept looking at their angelic faces thinking to myself “How could I have yelled at them to get them to bed!” But I did, and I felt bad, because I love them πŸ™‚

    • stace8383 says:

      You’re right, Caz, remorse is a sign of love! If you didn’t berate yourself afterwards, or at least wonder what the hell got into you, that would be the more worrying sign. hehe

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