Here is a random selection of recent amusing quotes from Elspeth, or conversations with her. Enjoy!
Me: Ok, Ellie, you can stay up for another five minutes.
Ellie: FOUR minutes!
I told Elspeth that her sister makes disgusting smells, and a few minutes later she said to me, ‘I’m making a disgusting smile!’
After clearly watching too much Playschool: ‘Come on, you be a butterfly too! Flutter flutter flutter.’
While sitting on the toilet, having been bribed to do so: ‘I’m just doing this wee for a marshmallow.’
‘Oh, there’s a sandwich in the toilet!’
‘We live on the Earth, and Mercury doesn’t have a moon, and Venus hasn’t got any water!’
While watching Aidan use a screwdriver: ‘I’m watching daddy screw!’
Ellie: Do you like beetles?
Me: To eat?
Ellie: No, to look at.
Me: Yes, I like to look at beetles.
Ellie: Well, there’s not one here.
‘We don’t live in Australia; we live in K-Mart!’
Ellie: Can I have chocolate milk?
Ellie: Nanny will say I can have it.
Me: Go and ask her, then.
Ellie: Nanny, can I have chocolate milk?
Nanny: What did mummy say?
Ellie: You can say yes!
Ellie, sounding genuinely distressed: Oh no! We have to buy a new beanbag!
Me: Why, what’s happened to this one?
Ellie: Evie got sandwich all over it!
I told Elspeth I would go to the gym later, and she didn’t realise I meant after Aidan got home. She demanded to come with me, saying ‘Otherwise Evie and I will be all bored and lonely!’
Ellie: One of our fish died and we had to put it in the toilet. Poppy doesn’t put his dead fish in the toilet. He puts them on the grass so Tiffany [my parents’ cat] can eat them.
Me: Yes, but we don’t have a Tiffany.
Ellie: We could get one. Then when Luggy [our surviving fish] dies she can eat him.
Ellie: It’s time to do a handstand.
Me: Um, ok.
Ellie: I don’t know how. Do you?
Me: I haven’t done a handstand in about twenty years.
Ellie: Oh, well, maybe when you’re a bit older you will know how to do a handstand.
Me: Finish your dinner and you can have an icy pole.
Ellie: I’m not dinner hungry anymore. I’m icy pole hungry.