Which outside?

Random webcam snap

Random webcam snap

When we are in the back yard and Evelyn wants to go into the front yard instead, she tells me, “I want to go to different outside.”

If we are inside and she wants to go out, she takes my hand and says, “I tell you which outside I want.”

Night (fiction)

I think it started with the taxi driver. Oh, of course there had been things before that; it built up slowly, but the taxi driver was the final straw. The one that broke me.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you’re lucky. You might not want to keep reading. It’s a nasty story.
Here goes.

A taxi driver in my beloved home city of Melbourne was violently attacked by his three young male passengers, apparently for doing nothing more than refusing to drive through a red light. They broke his nose. They damaged the taxi. And they took money from him.
How many times have you seen similar stories? How many times has somebody needlessly attacked another? How many times has violence scarred an innocent life? Every day, am I right? Every stinking pathetic day on this pitiful planet, somewhere, someone is hurt or killed. Innocents, criminals, soldiers, civilians: it’s all the same. Victims and perpetrators differ; the result is the same.
And so here I am now, crouched upon the scaffolding in the middle of the tenebrous night, watching this unshaven scum bag finish his business, waiting for my moment to strike. The PVC chaffs; I need a new suit. Leather, perhaps. I shift uncomfortably, sweating in this stifling summer night air. The street light dimly illuminating my target flickers slightly, and I wonder briefly if it will go out entirely. It doesn’t matter. I am never seen, in light or dark. Except by my victims: the last thing they see.
At last the customer takes his purchase and move on. The dealer is left alone on the street. He glances around warily – has he heard me, seen me? No, the wariness is part of the job for him. Always cautious, always a little afraid. Of the law, which it seems cannot touch him in any meaningful way. But I can.
From my position almost immediately above him, I drop down suddenly, landing with the slightest of sounds on my feet behind him. He turns, and I grasp his throat. He stares at me in surprise, but with no real fear yet. Until he sees my small pistol, pointed directly at his face.
‘Did you sell to Sandy Jennings?’ I ask in my best ominous whisper.
‘Who’s askin’?’ he says, but his voice trembles and his attempt at bravado is weak.
‘Did you?’ I ask again.
‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘But I won’t do it again.’ Now he has started to realise what this is about. ‘I won’t, I swear.’
‘Of course you won’t,’ I reply slowly. ‘Because she’s dead. Your gear was bad. She OD’d. And you’re not far behind.’
‘I just sell the stuff,’ he says desperately. His breath stinks. Why do all these people smell so bad?
‘Not any more, sunshine’ I say quietly, and pull the trigger. I might have seen too many British cop shows. As he slumps down, dead, in front of me, I repeat the final thing he heard: ‘Not any more.’

It was a nice job: unnoticed, effective, quick. I’ve been watching him since last week when he had gotten off a charge of possession on a minor technicality. But I’ve seen him before. I know he’s no good, and I know the police know it. They won’t make more effort than they have to to find his murderer. Me. They won’t find me.

Back home, morning. I resume my normal life. Yes, of course I have a normal life. Nobody pays me for cleaning up the streets at night. A girl’s gotta make a living.
I’m pretty tired, that goes without saying. But the guys at work just figure I was out partying – I’ve invented all sorts of wild stories in the past to explain night time absences and day time tiredness.
I work as an office administrator. Nothing flashy. I don’t have any other skills or qualifications. I have no criminal record, not even a parking fine. I am unexceptional in every respect. Unnoticed. I like that. It means I am unsuspected.



Sally Ride

For quite some time now Elspeth has been telling me she wants to be an astronaut. She wants to know what it’s like in space. Every time we take a bus she sits up the front, calls out a countdown followed by “Blast off!”, and says we’re going to the moon.

ManVFoodSeason1Evelyn has yet to reach a point where “What do you want to be when you grow up?” makes any sense to her. However, based on her behaviour and preferences, she’s a foodie for sure! She will happily sit and watch Man V. Food with her daddy, she loves helping us cook at home, and she eats just about anything including olives and fetta and other “smelly foods”.

Despite their young ages, I think that a child’s interests should be taken seriously and encouraged. Even though I know they will probably change their minds a thousand times, there is no reason to disregard a current aspiration. Evelyn is easy; we just have to keep exposing her to good foods and letting her help, and she will gain the skills and knowledge to stand her in good stead. Elspeth might be a bit harder; whilst I can read her books about space until the cows come home, I haven’t got the faintest clue how one actually becomes an astronaut!

It’s a good thing they’ve got plenty of time.

Let me be me

Wherever I go online I cannot escape being told what I do – or will – feel, think, want, and know.

Apparently I am easily surprised and know nothing about reality, for things will continually surprise me:



I am also defined primarily by my gender, and I am incapable of behaving in a rational manner. As a woman, I have no personality or preferences unique to myself. I am simply one of many “women”, alike in every respect.


I am absolutely fed up with being told who I am and how I feel. It’s easy for people to pass this stuff off as harmless humour, but it is everywhere and it is insidious. We are surrounded by the invalidation of our own thoughts and feelings, and it is hard to place value on something that nobody else appears to.

Enough is enough, internet. I won’t take the clickbait anymore.