I haven’t blogged in a long time, partly because I’ve been busy, and partly because I’ve been dealing with some mental issues. I’ve seen a doctor, I’m on medication, and things are a bit better. But I wanted to talk about something that happened today which, I think, exemplifies what I’ve been going through.
This morning I got a text message from my husband who was out with the kids. He told me that two ladies I know vaguely through mutual friends had invited me out to a concert tonight. My initial thought was “That sounds nice”. But close on its heels came the next thoughts: “Why have they invited me? They hardly know me. Do they pity me? What if I go and then can’t find them? What if I can’t think of anything to say to them? I have no mutual friend there to lean on, and no escape route if I’m not comfortable.” The more I thought about going, the more anxious I felt. The greater my anxiety, the more I thought I was being silly for feeling anxious. The sillier I felt, the more depressed I got about my own emotional reactions.
One simple invitation from very lovely people who seemingly just wanted to spend some time with me ruined my entire day, because of my mental problems. It’s ridiculous. I think I need more help.