My poor blog often gets neglected in favour of Facebook, and a lot of what I post there is obviously missed by my readers here. If I have any left. So I would like to present a small collection of the things my children have said and done over the past months for your entertainment!

IMGP983613th May 2015

I told Ellie that everyone’s naked under their clothes. She goes, “I’m not; I usually wear three layers!”

Evie just came up to me and said, “I smell horrible because I farted. Have a smell of my bottom!”

11th May 2015

Ellie’s teacher tells me that Ellie’s work and improvements often get used as examples for the rest of the class. She’s getting level 16 readers sent home now.

8th May 2015

Me: *wakes Evie up from her nap*
Evie: Hi mum. *yawn*
Me: You’ll have to get up soon so we can go get Ellie from school.
Evie: Poop.

7th May 2015

Apropos of nothing, Evie just said to me, “Mum, I love you too much to flush you away in the toilet!’

4th May 2015

Ellie’s been learning about symmetry at school; she asked me this morning if her bottom was symmetrical.


30th April 2015

Elspeth hit Evelyn with a bangle, breaking the bangle, and now she’s having conniptions because I said I won’t buy her a new one.

28th April 2015

The girls are playing shop, and their economy is totally screwed. Ellie charged Evie “twenty hundred dollars” for a little foam sticker, and then “a single hair” for a wooden building block.

27th April 2015

Evie: If I step in coffee I will get coffee on my shoes and then daddy will have to drink my shoes and that will be funny.

22nd April 2015

Playing doctors with Evie, and she assures me that there is a lion living in my throat and that’s why my leg is sore.

21st April 2015

Ellie saw me taking my anti-depressant this morning and asked me what it was for. I told her it was medicine to stop me being sad and cranky, so she started pouting and stomping her foot and saying she needed some too!

15th April 2015

Ellie just said to me, “My tummy is really really really sick, I must be having a baby.”

11th April 2015

Evie: My finger hurts when I touch people.
Me: So don’t touch people.
Evie: But I have hands.

Ellie was trying to get Evie interested in various toys and games, and Evie said, “All I want to do is make a mess!” Ellie replied enthusiastically, “Okay!”

20150317_15594627th March 2015

I read Ellie the little bit from the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy about how to fly. Now she’s jumping off the couch trying to miss the floor.

22nd March 2015

Evie: I did two poos! Not four or three, or five or eighteen.

19th March 2015

The girls have started calling themselves Science Princesses. I have no idea exactly what that means, but it’s awesome.

14th March 2015

Evie was in the bath when she decided she needed to wee. She told Aidan, “I want you to dry my bum so the wee doesn’t get wet!”

3rd March 2015

Elspeth has been getting quite upset lately, telling me, “I want to be a grown up NOW!!!” When asked why, she says, “I want to have a chicken farm and have fresh eggs for breakfast every morning.”

New year, new places

About a month ago, Elspeth started school and Evelyn started kindergarten. 

20150216_084308Evelyn spent last year sitting in on classes at kindergarten with her big sister, so she’s an old hand at this. Her teacher describes her as “perfect” and “a model student”. No surprises there, she’s a sweet and obliging little person when she wants to be! She’s very happy and having a great time.

I was worried about Elspeth; she tooks months to settle into kindergarten last year and I don’t think she was ever really happy there. I anticipated similar problems with beginning school. However, with the help of some people in her class who she knew from kindergarten, and a fantastic teacher, she’s actually doing really well. I think the tighter structure of school suits her, she’s gaining confidence and doing really well. I knew she could read pretty well, but she’s further ahead than I thought, and she’s found it in herself to stand up and read books aloud to her class, so I’m very proud.

Of course, all these new activities result in tired kids, which often means grumpy kids, but I think I can put up with that! I’m really pleased with both of them.




This is just a straight up brag post. Elspeth, who is not yet five, is pictured here reading Henny Penny to Evelyn. Sounding words out, correcting mistakes, clearly not simply reciting from memory. Elspeth’s reading is just incredible and I am constantly amazed at what she reads, and how quickly she reads. The other day she glanced at my computer screen for a moment and then said, “I saw you type ‘eye roll.'” She’ll read product and brand names in shops, even things we don’t buy or have in our house. She’s quite the clever clogs!

A shitty rant

Warning: This post discusses bowel movements. Might get graphic. 


For most of her life, Elspeth has had issues. Since she was in nappies, she’s either been constipated or has withheld – that is, she either couldn’t or wouldn’t take a dump. It’s hard to know which, and sometimes I think it fluctuated between the two. We’ve thrown out countless pairs of underpants, stained with overflow after holding it in too long. As a result, I am extremely attentive to her diet and making sure she gets loads of fruit and plenty of fluid. Elspeth’s diet is one of my major preoccupations. (There’s a whole different problem: you can give a child sustenance, but you can’t make her eat. Stubborn thing.) A little while ago I made it a Rule: she has to “produce” something every night after dinner. With the strict attention to her diet and the nightly bowel movements, she’s been improving quite a lot and we haven’t had any problems for a few months now.

Until today. You knew that was coming, right?

She couldn’t go to the museum with daddy until she’d produced. (I like that euphemism.) She didn’t manage it last night, for the first night in a long time. So the condition was: keep undies clean overnight and poop in the morning, then she could go to the museum. So this morning… nothing. Aidan’s had to go without her, just taking Evelyn. (Not for the first time for the same reason.)

So we’ve got meltdowns and tantrums and “I wanted to go to the museum!”

Well I want to have my own meltdown. I wanted to do things today too. I’d anticipated being alone, doing some study, taking an adult-paced walk, having a quiet and peaceful house. I was looking forward to today too. I wanted her to go too. My plans have been foiled too.

I’m so over this. I don’t talk about it much, because honestly, who wants to hear about shit all the time? Nobody wants to know this. But it’s been probably three years or so, three years that I’ve spent thinking constantly about fruit and poop. I am so absolutely over it. I’m allowed my meltdown.